For those of you regular readers, you know that I frequent the phrase "I love my life." My philosophy is: in order to love life fully, one must also love their job-- it is a huge percentage of life. So, I'll be loud and clear: I love my job. It shouldn't be too shocking, then, that today: Valentine's Day 2011, I spent devoted to my job - traveling yet again to Cleveland. Sunny Cleveland!
I couldn't sleep last night. The stress of the upcoming week of travel overtook my usually soothing time for rest. I haven't boarded a plane since November. For most people, this seems like a fairly short period of time. For me, this feels incredibly foreign. It's Valentine's Day. I'm stuck alone, traveling - again with baggage. Bags I wish I hadn't packed. Bags I wish I hadn't needed.
I stuffed my bags early this morning, forcing my suitcase to a tight close, with the fur from my boots popping out at the zippers - all the while, completely oblivious to the fact that today is a Hallmark Holiday and that my bags were yet again a painful symbol. To be honest, when I booked my travel to Cleveland a couple of weeks ago, it was very clear in my mind that today was the ever special day of loneliness. So, I needed to runaway. This is what I did.
This morning was beautifully melancholy. I whipped and whirred up a routine smoothie, dripped coffee into a to-go cup, and ran out the door with my overstuffed luggage - tears welling.
Sobs escaped as Pearl Jam's "Just Breathe" blasted sorrowful notes through the salty Camry's blown speakers. I let the tears roll as I tried to remember the last time I felt their gentle warmth wet my sun-dried winter cheeks. "Yup, I remember - about a month ago. Break up # 999. 1000th time's a charm? Not so much..." I rubbed the tears from my eyes as I saw a handsome, young, urban professional man carrying a bouquet of flowers to his vehicle. I secretly wanted someone to witness this awkward juxtaposition of tears and roses, and ponder the pitiful nature of this stupid holiday.
As I clicked the "back" button on my stereo's dashboard to hear the beautifully melancholy tune again, my now dry eyes caught themselves on the morning sky as my car veered north. There was a dark, stormy gray-blue cloud covering the majority of the sky, except what lay ahead. The jagged edges of the ominous blanket over my head gave way to a sky full of spectacular hope-- smooth and serene in its pastel pink and orange simplicity. This sky triggered a switch inside of me that I failed to realize until later...from one of self-pity to one mirroring the shy joy shown on the faces of those sauntering through the poor ghetto streets I passed by on the way to work.
A teen punk waiting for the bus with hands full of pale pink presents for his young, innocent love at school. A plump adolescent and her teenage partner, embracing with fresh young love written all over their faces. Another hard-looking teen sheepishly showing off his fluffy white teddy bear speckled with pink and purple hearts to impress his approaching love. These are the scenes that teased out a smile from deep inside my heart.
We are all mirrors.
When I arrived at work, the seeds I planted in my cubicle months ago were finally popping fragile but bright petals and the sun was shining across the clear blue sky. Today was a good day.
I couldn't sleep last night. The stress of the upcoming week of travel overtook my usually soothing time for rest. I haven't boarded a plane since November. For most people, this seems like a fairly short period of time. For me, this feels incredibly foreign. It's Valentine's Day. I'm stuck alone, traveling - again with baggage. Bags I wish I hadn't packed. Bags I wish I hadn't needed.
I stuffed my bags early this morning, forcing my suitcase to a tight close, with the fur from my boots popping out at the zippers - all the while, completely oblivious to the fact that today is a Hallmark Holiday and that my bags were yet again a painful symbol. To be honest, when I booked my travel to Cleveland a couple of weeks ago, it was very clear in my mind that today was the ever special day of loneliness. So, I needed to runaway. This is what I did.
This morning was beautifully melancholy. I whipped and whirred up a routine smoothie, dripped coffee into a to-go cup, and ran out the door with my overstuffed luggage - tears welling.
Sobs escaped as Pearl Jam's "Just Breathe" blasted sorrowful notes through the salty Camry's blown speakers. I let the tears roll as I tried to remember the last time I felt their gentle warmth wet my sun-dried winter cheeks. "Yup, I remember - about a month ago. Break up # 999. 1000th time's a charm? Not so much..." I rubbed the tears from my eyes as I saw a handsome, young, urban professional man carrying a bouquet of flowers to his vehicle. I secretly wanted someone to witness this awkward juxtaposition of tears and roses, and ponder the pitiful nature of this stupid holiday.
As I clicked the "back" button on my stereo's dashboard to hear the beautifully melancholy tune again, my now dry eyes caught themselves on the morning sky as my car veered north. There was a dark, stormy gray-blue cloud covering the majority of the sky, except what lay ahead. The jagged edges of the ominous blanket over my head gave way to a sky full of spectacular hope-- smooth and serene in its pastel pink and orange simplicity. This sky triggered a switch inside of me that I failed to realize until later...from one of self-pity to one mirroring the shy joy shown on the faces of those sauntering through the poor ghetto streets I passed by on the way to work.
A teen punk waiting for the bus with hands full of pale pink presents for his young, innocent love at school. A plump adolescent and her teenage partner, embracing with fresh young love written all over their faces. Another hard-looking teen sheepishly showing off his fluffy white teddy bear speckled with pink and purple hearts to impress his approaching love. These are the scenes that teased out a smile from deep inside my heart.
We are all mirrors.
When I arrived at work, the seeds I planted in my cubicle months ago were finally popping fragile but bright petals and the sun was shining across the clear blue sky. Today was a good day.
